In search of the Mongolian Clusterfuck

clusterfuck

The Urban Dictionary gives various definitions for the Mongolian Clusterfuck:

  • A generally futile attempt to solve a problem by throwing more people at it rather than more expertise
  • An event that is spinning or has already spun out of control with disastrous results.
  • A group of people or vehicles all in the same place, preventing each other from moving on.
  • A sexual act involving a toilet brush, rubber gloves and various people.

All of these scenarios perfectly describe an Extreme Trifle trip as long as you substitute “sexual act” for “emergency repair”.

Our problem with these definitions is that none of them are based on scientific observation. It would seem that the Mongolian Clusterfuck is as folkloric as the Tooth Fairy or a maintenance-free Austin Montego. Where people have claimed witness to an “MC” it is just as likely to have been a good old fashioned calamity or utter fiasco. That’s like claiming to be in the SAS because you completed Call of Duty.

Our mission is set. To capture the elusive Mongolian Clusterfuck on film and not the grainy sort where you’re not sure if it’s a Bigfoot or shag pile carpet propped up against a fence. It goes without saying that this must occur in Mongolia otherwise it’s just an average clusterfuck like “Call Centre Clusterfuck” or “Parking Ticket Clusterfuck”, and that just won’t do.

And so Extreme Trifle will cross continents in the latest instalment of the “Wrong Way Round” series of motorcycle escapades in search of a bona fide, real deal, proper Mongolian Clusterfuck. The signs are already good. Not all of us are on the right flight and the whole trip hinges on someone 5,500 miles away, who we’ve never met, turning up with the Chinese mopeds we ordered.

Then factor in a few slight oversights on rabies/hepatitis jabs and travel to areas that still have outbreaks of Bubonic plague and suddenly the prospect of getting the shits from stir fried yak’s testicles washed down with fermented mare’s milk barely raises a shrug.

But hey, as we all know, bad decisions make good stories.

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