• 6 stale Pain Au Chocolat
• 1 litre of smuggled Bell's whisky
• 2 Oranges, a pack of almonds, sesame snaps and some dates
• 2 tins of finest creamy Devon custard

• An unsuitable container and a plastic spoon
• A useless torch
• A gas stove that lights only when shielded by 8 people
• A force 8 desert storm
• Quilted bog roll x 4

1. Tear the 1 week old pain au chocolat in to match box size pieces.
2. Place in the unsuitable container and soak in a half litre of whisky.
3. Peel and segment the oranges and add to the mix.
4. Sprinkle on the mixed (but alarmingly salted) almonds
5. Toss on a few crushed sesame snaps
6. Pour on some more whisky, plus one slosh for good measure
7. Chuck in a some of dates.
8. Remove the dates, take the stones out, chuck back in – with a bit of sand.
9. Boil up the creamy Devon custard and lob in taking care to slop it around.
10. Sprinkle with the remaining crushed sesame snaps and allow to cool
11. Encourage guests to kick sand over the trifle in the meantime.
12. Pass the bowl in a clockwise direction until nausea sets in.
13. Hand around the quilted bog roll and see who caves in first.

Not recommended for unsupervised adults.