News from pit lane : The world famous Isle of Man TT race takes place every year with competitors reaching death defying speeds approaching 200mph round the 37 mile course on public roads.

This year Extreme Trifle will be championing a new eco-friendly electric vehicle category which will provide all the thrills of a trip to the post office but with zero-emissions (excluding flatulence) meaning that no polar bears need slip into the ocean for our entertainment.

With a top speed of 4 mph and a battery range of 15 miles between plug sockets we expect to complete the course in a new record time of just under 3 days including pit stops for a fresh set of long johns and refuelling via intravenous drip.

That's a time which is only just shy of the existing record lap of 17 minutes so we think you'll agree we'll be setting a new benchmark for pavement bashers the world over.

If the mood takes us we might even celebrate the finish with a gentle dribble before taking a nap under a tartan rug. In the meantime we'll be psyching ourselves up for the chequered flag by watching back to back Midsomer Murders.

YES PLEASE: Sign me up for the starting grid >>>

NO THANKS: It's pension day. I'm off to bingo.