Car Trek - The Route (ish..........very ish)

• Day 1: Star Date 05/09/08. Destination Basel  (700 kms)

A good solid spanking across France. This will be the "trauma" day when we discover just how badly prepared the vehicles are. Expect ill-fitting rocket boosters to bounce down the Peage and ejector seats to go off at inconvenient moments...

• Day 2: Star Date 06/09/08. Destination Venice (550kms)

Over the Stelvio twisty thing and through the Alps before making our way down to Venice. Highlight of the day will be at least one of the group attempting to prove their spaceship is amphibious and sinking to the bottom of the Venetian waterways clutching a Cornetto...

• Day 3: Star Date 06/09/08. Destination Plitvice Lakes (400 kms)

Here in the crazy landscape of the Plitvice lakes we can re-enact a dust up with some Klingons before bathing in the cooling waters with a cold drink. We can also try riding a few rapids with the Spacehoppers for good measure before settling in for a night on the Croatian rocket fuel.

• Day 4: Star Date 07/09/08. Makarska coast (320kms)

A quick blast to the coast where we can relax on the golden beaches whilst inventing our own brand of cocktails such as Captain's Log, Spock's Vulcan Death Grip and the fiersome Haemorrhoid Shower. Not much else will happen for the remainder of the day...

• Day 5: Star Date 08/09/08. Destination Sarajevo   (260 kms)

Winding our way up to Sarejevo in a haze of hangover we can go to the vast cave network here and yes you guessed it, re-enact another dust up with some Klingon types before heading in to the city for a night out Bosnian style...

• Day 6: Star Date 09/09/08. Tirane (660 kms)

Today we cross in to the Dark Side...this is a long distance so warp drives may need to be engaged. Here we can stop at some beautifully named planets such as "Puke" and "Jizz" before attempting to find a wormhole that goes straight through a mountain apparently...

• Day 7: Star Date 10/09/08. Destination Sofia   (540 kms)

If we survive deep space Albania then we should be able to pick up a comet trail through Macedonia where we will arrive at Lake Ohrid for some dodgy watersports before making our way up to the centre of the Bulgarian solar system, Sofia, for a night out.

• Day 8: Star Date 11/09/08. Destination Pitesti (600 kms)

Today we will attempt the mother and father of all hyperspace highways. Here we must coax our battle scarred and almost lifeless space cruisers across the formidable Transfagarasan highway. Using the force may be the only option...

• Day 9: Star Date 12/09/08. Destination Saturn   (350 kms)

Assuming we survive the Transfagarasan without being vaporised we will be within a mere light year or two from our ultimate destination. But first we will stop for some re-fuelling and relaxation on Saturn. It may be an enormous ball of toxic gas, but it does have a beach and some rather fine beer apparently.

• Day 10: Star Date 13/09/08. Destination Uranus (??? kms)

It is rumoured that somewhere on the Black Sea coast we might finally penetrate Uranus. No space traveller has ever found it or at least never found it and survived with being sucked in to oblivion (which ain't a bad way to go). Only time will tell the mission outcome..

• Day 11: Star Date 13/09/08. Star Fleet command mission de-brief

Success means we collect our Space wings and return to the safety of Earth. Failure means a lifetime of cleaning toilets in Alpha-shitsville, the most flatulent planet in the known universe as punishment for such a poor job. "It's a turd captain...but not as we know it"